So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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