woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
