I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
