just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
