This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
