It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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