Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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