Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
