I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
