i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
