You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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