Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
