Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize