I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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