That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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