A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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