i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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