Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
