gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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