before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
