I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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