Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize