I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
