shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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