we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
