margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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