Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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