my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
These tits shall not be calmed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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