On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
