I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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