was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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