Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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