She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
