Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
