I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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