On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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