You're completely useless in the revolution.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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