It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
