Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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