Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
