A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
