I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
