Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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