Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
