I CAN MOONWALK!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
