Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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