If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.