I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty