just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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