Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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