My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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