Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the high leading the old right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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