You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
