Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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