i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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