He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
