I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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