You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
