i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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