life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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