I hope mine doesn't look like that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
